Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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