Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
