When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
