I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
