It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
