You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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