did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
