im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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