I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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