you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
