I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
