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i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
