Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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