i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
