burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
