im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
