Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
