pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
