His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
