So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
