you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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