Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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