Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
