i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
