you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
