I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
