her vagine was all disorganized.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
