You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
