So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
