So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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