My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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