dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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