He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
