Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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