My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
