drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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