Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
