this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
