You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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