she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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