I'm jealous of your bromance
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
