My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
