i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
