Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
