just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
