i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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