East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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