I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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