Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
