My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
