i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
